It’s by a miracle that night I stepped in a bookstore and took part in an English Saloon which was held there. I am a helpless social wreck, and for years I’ve led a kind of self-imposed secluded life. My jobs, which involved a lot of behind-scenes works, have enabled me to avoid socializing with the others as much as possible. For me, nothing is more convenient than simply melting into the background. Every time when a chance arose, if it was required of certain communication skills, I would cave in and run away. So, it’s really against my nature to volunteer for such a social activity.
This small and elegant bookstore is located across the street from where I live. Every Sunday and Wednesday, an English saloon is held there. This place seems to have something special, something so subtle that I can’t put my finger on but it was very enchanting and luring, as if calling for me every time when I passed by. Many times I stopped by and read the new topic for next English Saloon from a board outside with great interests. But I never get enough nerve up to walk in until that night.
It turned out to be a great experience. I managed to play a more active role than I really was, and somehow I succeeded in one way or another. Certainly I stumbled and made mistakes since I hadn’t spoken English for a quite long time. And it’s always nervous for me to speak to the strangers. But on the whole it was not as bad as I had expected. Funny, it seemed easier to make an approach to the strangers when communicating in a foreign language. It sort of created an erotic atmosphere and everyone was more open and bold hiding behind another language. We talked about a lot, and sometimes even mentioned things very personal. When Stella told us that only one time her husband had said ‘ I love you’ to her seriously, that was when he asked for a divorce, I was dying to ask what had happened next, but I bite my tongue in time when I remembered that we barely knew each other and it was improper to push her more on this subject. I also found myself telling something about my childhood, something I had never mentioned before, let alone to the strangers.
I think I would go next time.
